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This weekend the president of the Anime Club died.
This was rather sudden and unexpected, I see him on Friday and he's dead on Sunday. Spooky.
However I haven't been in the club long enough to really have any major grief for him. I feel regret yes, he was a great guy and entertaining to be around. But I just don't feel comfortable hanging around the meetings this week that are mainly the club members remembering and mourning him. I don't know any anecdotes to tell and I have no tears to shed. I just wish I could explain this to people without hurting anyones feelings.
I don't even have the sudden feeling of mortality that many are probably getting. As I've stated before I lost my feeling of being invincible and living forever long ago. I had my wake up call back in high school, when a friend/rival of my entire junior high career died suddenly due to a medication error. He was my age and died, unexpectedly at a sleep over (I can not even fathom what that must have been like). I cried for about a week after that. Funny how those memories just return suddenly.
I hate that instead of feeling grief for the recently passed on I just end up getting a head full of trigged memories from the day I realized death could be just around the corner. It just feels so disrespectful, so impersonal. But thats what I'm feeling and I don't want to manufacture any tears just to fit in with the rest.
Rest in Peace Dude. Thanks for the Advice.
Oh yea, and Julian, Rest in Peace too, thanks for not haunting me or anything.
This was rather sudden and unexpected, I see him on Friday and he's dead on Sunday. Spooky.
However I haven't been in the club long enough to really have any major grief for him. I feel regret yes, he was a great guy and entertaining to be around. But I just don't feel comfortable hanging around the meetings this week that are mainly the club members remembering and mourning him. I don't know any anecdotes to tell and I have no tears to shed. I just wish I could explain this to people without hurting anyones feelings.
I don't even have the sudden feeling of mortality that many are probably getting. As I've stated before I lost my feeling of being invincible and living forever long ago. I had my wake up call back in high school, when a friend/rival of my entire junior high career died suddenly due to a medication error. He was my age and died, unexpectedly at a sleep over (I can not even fathom what that must have been like). I cried for about a week after that. Funny how those memories just return suddenly.
I hate that instead of feeling grief for the recently passed on I just end up getting a head full of trigged memories from the day I realized death could be just around the corner. It just feels so disrespectful, so impersonal. But thats what I'm feeling and I don't want to manufacture any tears just to fit in with the rest.
Rest in Peace Dude. Thanks for the Advice.
Oh yea, and Julian, Rest in Peace too, thanks for not haunting me or anything.